Week 36: Minimalist Nesting and a Dr. Appt

36 weeks: 58 inches tall, 46 inches around. I won't make it to legit sphere, but I might be able to get to the 48" max circumference I reached with Charlie. Only time and my measuring tape will tell.

Minimalist Nesting

Apartment living has made nesting pretty basic. After we did out buying bonanza because all our baby stuff ended up stashed in the back of a storage unit (which we can't access until the end of September), things sat around in boxes for a while. Then on Saturday we woke up to a cozy, rainy day and Steve said, "Want to put together all the baby stuff?" :)

I'm a teeny tiny bit sad that I haven't been able to make a nursery for this sweet girl yet, but at the same time it has been a huge relief to just focus on what we really need/find useful as we've prepared for her arrival. And it was still super fun to get everyone in on assembly and setup. The kids were really excited.

They started by unboxing the pack'n'play on my side of the bed in our room.

Charlie took his job as mobile-assembler very seriously and did a good job. He's dexterous and loves building things. :)

Then they all helped put together the stroller and checked out the car seat.

...at which point Juliette turned to me and sternly demanded," Mom, get your Betsy out. GET YOUR BETSY OUT!!!" and I wished I could follow her instructions.

We pulled out the Boppy, and Squish showed us (with no prompting) exactly how she would hold her baby sister when she was born. She looked like she could really see the baby, and it made Steve and me melt into absolute puddles.

And then her beloved Pluto got a turn, too.

When Steve had assembled the baby swing (our final assembly-required piece) everyone descended upon the baby items with their stuffed animals to make trial runs.

So now we know that miniature elephants, dogs, and foxes can all thrive in our baby's environment, which seems like a good indicator that the newborn weeks should be okay. ;)

Dr. Appointment

I've now officially graduated to weekly visits and *ahem* paper gowns, which means we are totally in the final countdown! I vacillate between being overjoyed that the days are ticking down, and trying to ignore that the days are ticking down but not yet over. So far ignoring seems to be working better for me from a mental health standpoint. ;)

Here are some flowers outside the doctors office for you to look at.

I've been having Braxton Hicks contractions for ages now--some quite painful, most happening in the evening--but that's just kind of how my body rolls during pregnancy. So I was very surprised (and happy!) to discover that I'm already dilated to a 3! While I'm still hoping not to deliver until induction day (for the sake of figuring out logistics with three kiddos and Steve's job!) it is nice to know that discomfort isn't for nothing. Plus, less work to do on delivery day, right?

Baby girl is head down, heartbeat in the 140s, and at next week's appointment, we get induction details! That really makes it seem soon. Just a few more details (emergency early-baby-arrival babysitter, packing my hospital bag) to go, and we'll be about as ready as we can be.

Symptoms and Such

So... pregnancy is not pretty. It's just not. I'm just going to say that I am uncomfortable, nauseated, and dealing with other (familiar) pre-labor symptoms that the baby girls in my life have given me in the past. And in addition to that, my poor burdened pelvis is killin' me. Charlie-pregnancy-level sharp and dull pain. I will not miss this stage. But at least this time around, I know I can get through it.

Aside from the not-pretty stuff, though, a lot of my symptoms are pretty funny:

• Fat fingers and cankles are a thing now. Actually, my swollen fingers started in NC, where I upgraded to a bigger (fake) wedding ring. When we arrived in Texas (read: even hotter) they got EVEN FATTER, and I had to get an even bigger, even faker ring! Cankles this time come and go. If I have a day with a lot of rest/keeping my feet up, I have some ankle definition. If not: tree trunk legs.
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• Sleep fighting... Okay, not legit Ron Swanson sleep fighting. But my sleep is definitely weird now that I wake up so often in the night and can't sleep as hard as usual. I snore. I hear things in my dreams (not real things) that jolt me awake. I talk in my sleep (mumbo jumbo non-words) and sometimes accidentally wake myself up talking. And this morning Steve said I was taking swings at something with my arms. Totally unconscious. From what I remember of that dream, it was because I was mad at him for buying himself a ticket to a Jason Mraz concert without inviting me.
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• Loose joints. For the last few weeks, things just sort of slip out of my hands. Soap. Silverware. Whatever. Like my muscles just give up for a second because they're tired of doing all the things that muscles have to do. It's both annoying and funny. Mostly funny.
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• Eating all the ice. I stand in front of the freezer multiple times a day eating ice pellets straight from the bag of Sonic ice we keep in there just for me. It is literally the equivalent to me right now of eating a warm brownie straight from the pan. I cannot explain it, but since it's actually good for me to be doing stuff to stay hydrated, I'm grateful for it. Also, it is serious euphoria. So strange. But so wonderful. I also enjoy my Sonic ice in a glass, sometimes with apple juice or water, or sometimes just eaten with a spoon. Yep. Like a crazy person. But it makes me so happy.

And one thing that hasn't happened--this might be the strangest of all--I'm not crying. I mean, occasionally I'll get a little teary over something cute on TV, or have a good bawl over my helplessness as a nearly-spherical human who can't get out of bed without ratcheting up three or four times to reach sitting position. But I'd say all my cries thus far have been not only rational, but also reasonable.

So... that's weird.

But I am still basically having-a-good-attitude-about-feeling-miserable. So Steve requested I make a really sad face at him for one of my belly pictures. :)

This guy keeps my head on straight. ;) He's got the best sense of humor, gives good hugs, and is very good for pregnant-woman morale.

And let's wrap up this week with some of the things people have said about my belly this week. There has been some belly touching, but these Southern ladies are so cute about it that I mostly don't even mind.

Things People Have Said this Week:

Lady at church: "Is this your first?"

Me: "No, our fourth." :)

Her: "Oh! Well this isn't your first rodeo!"

Lady in elevator after OB visit: "That baby's gonna be bigger than you are! Bless your heart!"

#texas!

16 Weeks: Stripes, Spring, and Some Settled Things

The weather is warming, flowers are blooming, and for the last few weeks it has been mostly glorious outside. Temps in the 70's and lovely little springtime zephyrs breezing around us. The kids have been anxious to play outside on their scooters and bikes, so yesterday morning I hauled my tired pregnant self out into the front yard with them and sat in the shade with my striped-bump and watched them play.

I've been feeling almost totally human in the eating department lately, which--in addition to the sunny springtime weather--has lifted my mood quite a bit. I've switched from eating tons of rice and croissants to oatmeal for breakfast (ironically, I can't eat this when I'm not pregnant because I threw it up so many times during my Gracie-pregnancy!), quesadillas with salsa and sour cream, with a side of apples for lunch, and pretty much whatever everyone else is eating for dinner. Last night I even cooked chicken to make a salad, which I haven't done since 2015. I am happy that my body is now accepting vegetables and fruits as well as carbs, carbs, carbs.

That's not to say I don't still have some queasiness. I'm down to one Zofran a day, for the evening sicky feelings, but I do also chew spearmint gum non-stop all day to keep my stomach settled. Steve says the whole house smells like mint when he gets home! :) And I have to be in bed by 10ish or my stomach revolts. But for the most part, I'm like a million times better on that front.

The babes (who is 5 inches long/avocado-sized) and I have also had a predilection for springtime Oreos at dessert time, and Welch's fruit snacks pretty much any time of day. One great thing about being a grown up is that you don't have to ask permission to eat fruit snacks anymore. And you can eat as many as you want in a day, and even have them right before breakfast.

My belly out grew all my shirts this week, so I sneaked off to the mall find some stretchier shirts when Steve had a free morning. Now I feel pretty well stocked for the second trimester, and I can't tell you the difference that well fitting clothes are making for my self-esteem. I feel pretty for the first time in this pregnancy. :)

And this time around... I'm trying to come to terms with the fact that I'm just not going to feel 100%. All through Juliette's pregnancy I kept waiting for the normal-Jamie energy and healthiness to come back. I pushed myself really hard (I was literally scrambling to finish editing a novel for a client from my bed the night before Jules was born) and all it did was make me more tired, more desperate, more discouraged. Last night I told Steve I just want to be able to be myself again, feel like myself, do the things I normally do. And he very kindly responded, "But you know you won't be able to until the end of this pregnancy, right?"

I guess I knew, but I hadn't really admitted it to myself yet. It's a tough pill to swallow, to say the least.

Many other things are settling into place for us, though. We found out last week that we are going to be assigned to San Antonio for the next four years! We are SO excited, and already hunting through house options and daydreaming. We also finalized our temporary housing situation (so we have somewhere to live between closing day on our NC home and moving out to TX when Steve finishes PGY3 at the end of June). We signed a lease on a nice apartment nearby, and plan to take just the necessities, treat it like a vacation, and spend a LOT of time at the complex's pool with the kiddos. :)

6 Weeks.

Baby turned six weeks on Friday, and the morning sickness got real.

I woke up from a deep sleep in the middle of the night and jumped out of bed because I had to throw up. I hate throwing up. But it's funny the sort of casual resignedness I took it with. Felt that telltale feeling. Got out of bed and grabbed a hair-tie from my bedside table, wrangling my hair into a ponytail as I walked to the bathroom. Quietly got rid of whatever it was that my stomach didn't agree with. (Really actually quietly. I left the bathroom door open but didn't wake Steve.)

Sometimes I need moral support, but it was just a quick awful moment and then it passed. I rinsed my mouth out and got back in bed.

Honestly it's not even the throwing up that gets to me. It's the constancy. The feeling, always, of being about-to-lose-all-my-food. I look forward to sleeping just so I don't have to think about/feel it. Unconsciousness is a very healing gift, and I am thankful for afternoon naps and a self-imposed earlier bedtime.

Unisom seems to be helping. SeaBands seem to be helping (maybe). Eating almost constantly makes a difference. (I am very tired of eating.)

Looking at Juliette and reminding myself what this is all for--another sweet little human added to our gaggle of giggly wonderful Walton babies--is helping. I believe it is going to feel worth it when I hold that new babe in my arms.

The kids have been amazing helpers. They don't know why they're helping yet, just that Mom is feeling sick and laying on the couch a lot. The big kids recently learned to clean the bathrooms, and they clean either their bathroom or the downstairs powder room every day. Gracie has been making lunches for the kids. Charlie puts Juliette to bed at nap time so I can stay downstairs on the couch. They pitch in like troopers and I am so thankful for their good attitudes and capable hands. It is making this much easier.

Steve has been wonderful, too. He always is. He's made me foods I crave, jumped in to take over kid lunches, kitchen duty, meal planning, and chores as needed. He hugs and cuddles me. We talk about the baby, and he supports my escapist needs by planning homes to build or cruises to take or whatever fun daydream is happily distracting me.

And for the first time, I am at a place where I recognize I can do some things, but not all the things I am used to doing. Before the pregnancy, I had a massive list of things I worked through each day, as well as daily tasks. Today I typed up a new list--just the things that will really matter to my well-being and our family's. Enough things to get me up off the couch and doing things, but not so many that I'll feel overwhelmed and useless and start crying. I think it helps to have some small expectations of myself to keep me moving, and to release all the other stuff so that I can focus on keeping my body and attitude in the best places.

I'm not really craving anything in particular, but baby does seem to be pleased with cheese. Annie's macaroni, Laughing Cow spreadable cheese on carrots or Wheat Thins, and grilled cheese sandwiches have all fallen into the "edible" category lately. I can eat some vegetables, which is happy! And some fruits. Mostly carrots and apples. I'll take it. As in my other pregnancies, anything made of wheat (bread, cereal, etc.) other than Wheat Thins is disgusting. Peanut butter (usually one of my favorite foods) is revolting. Like, I can't even stand the smell of it. At all. :) Also, strangely, pizza. I took one bite and knew it was a mistake.

I'm falling into a new routine. And I'm still and quiet a lot more, so I'm talking with the kids and taking time to just watch them play. It's always good when my body has to slow down, because it helps me remember to focus more on stillness and attentiveness and less on getting all the things done.

I am discouraged, but time ticks on, and this too shall pass. Here's to getting through.

It's starting.

Saturday night after dinner, I felt wrong. Just off. And I knew:

The nausea was starting.

I've been taking a preemptive anti-nausea cocktail of B6 and Unisom every night since two days after I found out I was pregnant (on the recommendation of my doctor, don't fret!) and I admit that in the back of my mind I secretly hoped that maybe this time I wouldn't get knocked down so hard with morning sickness... Or... at all?

Saturday wasn't bad. It just wasn't right. Things (like the ground beef I'd just cooked and so desperately wanted in our spaghetti sauce) were irrationally disgusting me. Aversions. And I had that wrong taste in my mouth. And I just felt kind of... icky.

I told Steve after the kids went to bed that I could feel the warning signs. My days of morning-sickness free dining were numbered. Bless his heart, he told me to get to the grocery store immediately, and buy whatever I wanted.

I walked through and picked out anything that looked delicious and/or potentially edible in the forthcoming nausea days.

The spoils included:

Dole Orange Mango juice
White Cheddar Cheez-Its
Wheat Thins
Laughing Cow spreadable cheese
Medium cheddar
Strawberry Toaster Strudels (with 30% more icing?!)
Various soups
3 pints of Ben & Jerry's (2 for me, 1 for Steve): Chocolate Fudge Brownie and The Tonight Dough

By the next morning, things were starting to taste wrong. My Dole juice was sad (but Steve happily took over, and drank it so quickly that he got a minor allergic reaction to the mango, which usually only happens when he eats the actual fruit).

And its gotten slowly worse over the course of this week. First it was just in waves, but today it has been pretty much all day long.

After we dropped Charlie off at preschool, Juliette and I made pilgrimages to CVS and Trader Joe's, where I picked up Sea Bands (CVS) and copious amounts of ginger flavored things (ginger, crystallized ginger, ginger mints, and triple ginger snaps) as well as things my crazy pregnant body thinks I want to eat: two types of meatballs, some chicken sausage, and a package of frozen corn dogs. I comfort myself that these are all about as healthy as they can be, since they at least came from Trader Joe's.

So I'm officially morning sick. It's sad and I'm not a fan, but I'm trying to keep my eye on the big picture: this is an infinitesimally small effort on my part when I consider that the end product of an uncomfortable pregnancy is a brand new beautiful human life. A brand new Walton baby to love.

Do Sea Bands actually work?

Does ginger truly have anti-emetic properties?

Will I need to add Zofran to my already pill-heavy evening medicating routine?

And will I ever get the Sourdough Jack burger that I have been irrationally but powerfully craving for the past three days?!?! (The nearest Jack in the box is 1 hour away! Woe!)

The answers to these questions (and more!) that you didn't ask will be revealed in the coming weeks!