Gratitude

This post was initially meant for my ramblings on my conference announcement emails, but then I realized it was too long. 

I have written a little bit about wellness lately. I definitely am no expert at this. I doubt many of us are, given the high rate of reported burnout within our specialty. But I think it's important that we try to explore what we are able to do to avoid burnout so we can keep enjoying the work we have chosen. 

(I'm writing this while listening to the newly-Grammy-winning Best Rock Song by Alabama Shakes, "Don't Wanna Fight." Cool song)

As I was reading one of the articles about it this week (can't remember if it was in ACEP Now or the EMRA magazine), I read something that struck me. There was a resident that had an attending that, to him/her, seemed remarkably happy. Moreso, the attending was contended with his job. I don't remember his exact response to the resident's questioning, but basically said something to the affect that his attitude at work and in life was related to the gratitude that he felt. 

That hit me. And it has been on my mind lately. 

(Now YouTube has started playing Alabama Shakes "Gimme All Your Love." I can't decide if I like or dislike it... Which intrigues me...)

I was speaking to my dad recently on the phone. We were talking about how Jamie has felt kind of ill over the last few weeks. (We are expecting our fourth kid. Crazy Waltons). Jamie gets horrible morning sickness for the first trimester of her pregnancy. She doesn't feel sick all the time... Just when she's awake or moving. As a result of her illness, I am playing every role at home. I have so much respect for the single parent. I'm so tired. 

(Now Alabama Shakes' "Hold On." I have heard this one. I like this)

Anywho, I was talking to my dad about it. I can't say I was necessarily complaining. Just trying to commiserate with somebody. Somehow our conversation turned to his health problems as a child. 

Dad grew up with what my siblings and I called his "second bellybutton" - his tracheostomy scar. He has had it since birth. He doesn't even know what led to his illness at birth, but knows that for about the first year of his life, he had a trach in place for about a year before having it taken out. Randomly, at about the same time, something went poorly with his older brother, my uncle, who ended up in the hospital at the same time my father was born, and also needed a trach. They have matching second belly buttons. 

My father then relates how his mother, my grandma, would have to clean and change the trach multiple times per day, into the night, for the course of that year. All this while dealing with four older kids, as my dad is the youngest of five kids. And she did it. Without complaining, I imagine. My grandmother was an angel. 

(Done with Alabama Shakes. Muse won best rock album. Now Muse's "Dead Inside.")

Dad then proceeds to tell me how his mother held on to those little trach tubes, which my dad now keeps in a drawer in his office to remind him of his mother's sacrifice. 

Anyway, this story made me reflect on this idea of gratitude. It's something that I wish to be better at in my life. I truly have a lot to be grateful for. I have heard an old adage: "Attitude determines Altitude." I had a great mentor after high school that added onto that: "And Gratitude determines Attitude." 

(I love Muse. Not the most conducive music to... well... probably anything productive... but oh well...)

So, I don't know if it's because I'm tired. I don't know if it's because it's cold outside and I miss the sunshine. But whatever it is, I've definitely been reflecting a lot lately. I truly have a lot to be grateful for. 

I'm grateful for my family. My wife is my BFF, and I haven't gotten to hang out with her a lot lately. If she tries to hang out, she barfs. Which isn't the most fun for either of us. Definitely less so for her. I miss her, and not spending as much time with her helps me see how lucky I am to be with her. I'm grateful for my little kids, who have stepped up and helped out around the house, seeing as daddy is drowning. Also very grateful for Papa John's. I should buy stock.

I'm grateful for my Wamily. My co-residents are friends that I will miss after we finish up here. I've had two recent events which have required me to call in backup. My co-residents covered for me without hesitation, and without expecting payback (which I can't allow, of course). They are like family to me. 

I'm grateful for this residency program. I'm sure you can't see it, but I've learned and grown quite a bit. 

Anyway, as I work harder to avoid burnout in my career, I will try to be more grateful for the work I do and for the people I work with. 

I challenge you to do the same.