Weeks 32-35: Catchup

I kept hoping I would be able to write up these last few weeks individually, but naps, summertime swimming, new-home bills (I always forget that it costs extra money to set new stuff up in the new place!), and potty training Jules (among other things) have taken up time and/or brain space, and suddenly here we are at the 35 week mark. Which feels both SO CLOSE and SO FAR from the big finale when we meet our babe.

We've been in San Antonio for a month(!) now, are pretty well settled into our town house, watching the progress of our adorable grown-up cookie-cutter house as it goes up (its framed and getting wired--drywall next week!), slowly exploring the surrounding area, meeting people and working on making friends, and eating REALLY GOOD Mexican food and Texas-style BBQ. Even not pregnant, I LOVE eating, so, yeah. Yummy food=happy preggo. Steve has also started work as of this week, and is acclimating to his new work environment and feeling much more confident about the whole being-an-attending thing as he's been able to get his feet wet now. Even though he wears scrubs at the hospital, he leaves and comes home in full ABUs 

(camo) and his military grade boots are usually kicked off at the foot of our bed.

Steve has taken advantage of the time off to take the big kids on nearby adventures. Last week the three of them went to Sea World and saw a ton of shows, rode a bunch of rides, and came home soaked to the bone, happy, and exhausted. This week he took Grace to an enormous, wonderful water park called Schlitterbahn. Next week he's taking Charlie, who is so excited that he made a count-down calendar. :)

While they were out, Juliette and I went to Target, watched Peg + Cat, and ate ice cream for lunch at a Baskin Robbins she has been eyeing.

After weeks of trying to get every form filled out with t's crossed and i's dotted correctly, we finally got our first paycheck from the military (HOORAY!), which made it possible to get down to nesting for this little bundle. Most of our baby stuff got packed away in long-term storage (whoops) so we've had to start fresh a bit. We are loving how minimalist we feel compared to our first time around as parents, though. It's great to know what we actually need and use instead of feeling pressured by the crazy amounts of baby stuff available.

When the house is finished she will have her own nursery with a real crib and furniture, but for now we just got what we really needed, plus a couple of extras. Insurance paid for a breast pump (WHAT!? YAY INSURANCE!), and almost all the rest we got off Amazon, either with a killer deal on Prime Day or using our 15% baby registry discount. I like lists, so here is what we got:

• Pack-n-play
• Pack-n-play sheets
• Boppy
• Travel-size baby swing
• Nursing cover (awesome full-coverage one from here!)
• Pump, nursing pads, + milk storage bags
• Bottles
• Burp cloths
• 3-pack SwaddleMe blankets
• Car seat
• Light-weight stroller

The first part of the haul arrived early in the day, the second part came in the evening. It was like baby-registry Christmas. ;)

And this week we also made a run to Carter's to pick up a few sets of clothes (our newborn stuff is all packed away), which are all now hanging adorably in a prominent place in our closet, looking precious and tiny. And Steve hung one little set of onesies on our wall so we see it whenever we walk into our bedroom. :)

Baby's sibs are starting to get REALLY excited. Charlie talks about her all the time, gives my belly a hug every night before bed when he gives me one, prays for her (and "for Mommy not to be pregnant") frequently, and sat happily for ages holding our friends' baby boy last night.

Juliette has been talking a lot about her, too. Every time we pass something baby related in a store, she tells me it is for our baby and wants to stop and look at it. She's also got her own baby in her tummy, so she's excited for both our babies to be born and sleep in a crib together. (Presh.) She shows me sometimes by sticking her stomach out against mine and saying, "BIG BELLY!" And a few days ago she made "a scribble" for her sister and presented it to my stomach, presumably to be accepted and admired by our baby girl.

As to actual baby/pregnancy stuff, I met my new doctor our second week here, and she is fantastic, which is such a huge blessing. I've already met with her twice. Baby girl is looking good, head down, heart rate between 130s and 140s. And based on my past history of big babies, Dr. Olvera has already promised us an induction date of September 2nd (the exact 39 week mark). Steve and I are both really excited to have a guaranteed baby day already set. We've even got countdowns on our phones. :)

Symptom-wise, I'm doing some better and some worse, but overall I feel like I can get through the last few weeks, which is a comforting feeling. My panic attacks are almost non-existent, thank goodness, and the anxiety is fading. I'm definitely feeling a general sort of down-heartedness and emotional exhaustion, both of which make sense to me based on the state of my tiny, very pregnant body and the roller coaster we've been riding since the beginning of the year. I'm mostly only able to combat this by trying to stay in the moment and not think ahead much (beyond planning for the things I HAVE to plan for, like registering kids for school and making plans for delivery). I'm having trouble falling asleep, trouble focusing my mind on prayer. Restless legs. Some *ahem* consistent unpleasant stomach troubles. Swollen feet and growing cankles. Increasingly strong Braxton Hicks. Shortness of breath (even just reading aloud!). Still have enough nausea that I have to chew gum, take Unisom at bed, and eat lots of ice (this helps--and we've started buying the AMAZING kind from Sonic... Sometimes I just stand in the open freezer door and eat ice right from the bag. It is SO. GOOD.). The worst is (sorry, but this IS a pregnancy blog) the intense pain in my pelvis from the weight of this girl on my 4'10" frame. It is very, very sharp and bad, and similar to the pain I had carrying Charlie.

Overall, I'm just trying to be gentle to my body, rest a lot, move slowly/gently, and keep a good attitude. This is a season. My family is happy and growing. And there are baby clothes in my closet and a swimming pool right outside our front door. Pretty good stuff.

Bears are smart.

Bears are smart, because they hibernate. For all of winter.

We'd like to do that. It sounds kind of genius. Because this week?

Ugh.

I think both Steve and I have felt at our limit for almost the entirety of 2016. For the past month or so we've been dealing with our concern for our little baby always on our minds, my persistent (though thankfully decreasing) morning sickness and inability to uphold my previous standard of housekeeping/cooking/grocery shopping/being a human, the stress of having a house on the market and of getting an offer (which--yes! YAY!) that, if it goes through, will leave us with the task of coming up with a few thousand bucks we don't yet have AND homeless in Winston for two months, lots of concerns for the unique struggles of several of our far-away and beloved extended family members, the budget (which suffers greatly when this mama is out of it), and knowing that we will be moving somewhere in July--but STILL not knowing WHERE.

We're not totally drowning in our lives, but we have felt like we're barely keeping our heads above water.

And Monday morning, we discovered that one of our kids had lice.

If it was a normal week, a normal month, a normal year, we probably wouldn't have lost our cool over it. But because it was the proverbial straw falling on a couple of already heavily-laden camels (that's us--watch out, we spit!), we both just kind of died inside. Like, each separately had conversations with Heavenly Father about how we were about to hit breaking point and please please please we needed some slack.

We did a round of Nix while surreptitiously checking the other two kids' heads and doing load after load of laundry. But alas--the super lice only kind of cared about the Nix, and we discovered the next day that the 5 hour ordeal from the day before wasn't done. Poor kiddo. We got an Rx shampoo from the doctor and went through the process again (though much quicker this time) last night and today, thank goodness, everything was clean and clear and our schooling kiddos were cleared to go back to life as usual.

Aaaaand poor Steve has had a string of night shifts this week, which means both of us sleep badly and he is just totally thrown off eating/sleeping/energy-wise.

We're exhausted.

My hair is channeling Mufasa's mane.

I'm wearing the exact same clothes I wore yesterday.

I stress-ate three packs of fruit snacks this morning.

And we've had pizza for dinner three (or four??? I can't remember Saturday...) of the past six nights.

13 Weeks and the Bump.

You guys. I am THIRTEEN WEEKS today! THIRTEEN! That means in one more week, I will OFFICIALLY be DONE with the wretched first trimester!!!

Though the end of the first trimester doesn't mean my little body officially understands that it's time for us to stop feeling nauseated and start eating vegetables and hamburgers, it does mean that we've gotten what is (to me) the most grueling, lonely, and self-worth-doubting portion under our belts. I want to cry when I think about how I felt three or four weeks ago. Honestly, I can't think about it. It is too heavy.

But hooray. Thirteen weeks. Baby is working on getting fingerprints and vocal chords, and is almost 3 inches long from crown to rump--about the size of a peach! It is kicking hello right now. So hello from baby. (Maybe it's ears are burning since I'm bragging about it's many feats of growing.)

Thanks to the arrival of the stretchy pants in the mail (hooray for mail order!) and to feeling better in the mornings, today I got dressed, braided my hair(!), and took my first official belly picture of baby #4. :)

Steve had his first day back at work after his week off. He was done at 3. It's 5, and he's still not home and hasn't called, which indicates that either (a) it was very busy and he will be tired or (b) he caught an interesting case at the end of his shift and opted to stay a little late. I'm hoping for his sake that it's the latter.

We got an offer on the house already. It's very low, and came from a rental company. They didn't even send someone by to take a look, just dropped an offer on us sight-unseen. We've been negotiating, but I'm not sure if we can hit a number that will work for them and not put us in financial-limbo for the next couple of months.

One good thing about having been so sick for the past few months is that I have let go of my worries about EVERYTHING that isn't totally immediate. Which is very, very unlike me. I've always got a plan. It's my safety net. But I actually said to Steve yesterday as we discussed potential temporary housing options between closing and moving, "Well, there's nothing we can do about it now. We'll just deal with it when it comes."

He laughed and said, "Welcome to the other side. How does it feel?"

It definitely doesn't feel ideal. But its kind of the only way to cope for now. :)

After school today I played the ultrasound video from yesterday for the kids (mainly Gracie). She brought her Goldfish cracker snack over and stood by the sectional, watching baby move and exclaiming over how cute it was. Juliette and Charlie came over, too, and when it was over Charlie asked me to play it again.

Though Juliette insists that she herself is a baby, and doesn't seem to willing to sacrifice that title no matter how I praise her for being a "big girl," she has been really fascinated by the ultrasounds since we first showed her the gummy bear sonogram a few weeks ago. Today she sat beside me while I baby-blogged and asked repeatedly, "Wanna see baby?" Which means, Hey Mom, let's look at the latest ultrasound picture!

So we looked at the ultrasound over and over, and every time she smiled and declared it "so cute" and told me, "That's the baby!" She was even able to identify baby's little body parts--head, tummy, back, foot, and hand--in the ultrasound. Takes after her daddy, I guess. ;)

Big Helps from Little Hands

The kids have been amazing during the morning sickness. Amazing.

They get up on time on their own--Gracie ring-leading and keeping the flow going. They get dressed. Sometimes Gracie even dresses Juliette. They get their own breakfast, and one of the bigger kids gets food for Jules. And then they continue to go about their morning routines until it is time for elementary school drop-off.

After quiet time and school (with a little prompting) they do their chores. Gracie and Charlie each clean part of a bathroom (one does the toilet, the other cleans the sink and counter), and they alternate days between their bathroom and the downstairs powder room, which means those each get cleaned 2-3 times a week. Then they clean their rooms, and do one other day-specific chore like dusting a room, taking out the small trashes, or cleaning up the Lego table.

Even these usual daily chores (which they've been doing since last year) are incredibly helpful with keeping up the house while Steve works and basically single-parents, but they haven't stopped there.

Last week Gracie found herself with no laundry to fold (her Tuesday-specific chore). I was curled up on the couch, as usual, and Steve was at work. So she took it upon herself to really get to work. She dragged the vacuum cleaner upstairs and vacuumed. She cleaned up everything in Juliette's room, which had basically been a tornado before she got her hands on it. Her grin when she presented it to me melted my heart.

She even sneaked into my bedroom, cleaned up everything off the floor, put laundry in the hampers, and made our bed.

This girl. Look at the pride she takes in her work! It shines in her eyes. She was so happy to be able to help her mama out and do something to take care of our home. And she really did a stellar job, too. :)

Charlie has been really helpful, too. He takes charge of Juliette often, especially when Gracie isn't around. He's always there to get her a drink of water (she's recently discovered the joys of ice in her water bottle, and he even gets that for her), put her shoes on, and help herd her into her car seat. He's also gotten really good at putting her down for her nap, and even tucks her in and shuts her door.

And they play together. Sometimes Spot It, sometimes Legos, sometimes coloring, and sometimes--lightsaber battles. (These are especially fun couch-entertainment for mama.)

And he is tenderly attentive to me, often coming over to give me a snuggle or show me a cool Lego creation. And he's been writing lots of "MOM"s for me, and drawing me hundreds of smiley faces, which he delivers to me with a pleased wiggle of his eyebrows.

Jules may have the smallest hands, but she's found ways to help, too. She's (almost) always willing to help clean up toys, and will usually upgrade the experience by singing, "Clean up, pick up, put away! Clean up, everyday!" in her precious little voice.

She's also very attentive to Mom and Dad's rest, lately. (No wonder, since we both collapse onto flat surfaces--couch, ottoman, floor--on a regular basis!) She is always bringing us blankets to keep us warm, and laying pillows on us in case we should need them.

She has also appointed herself the official Mommy-company-keeper. No matter where I am, she will find a place beside me or down at my feet to nestle herself in. She brings her own pillow and blanket, settles back, and sucks her little thumb. Sometimes we talk about belly buttons, elbows, and babies in our tummies, and sometimes we just enjoy a companionable silence. Just a couple of girls and their blankets.

10 Weeks

Our teeny baby is 10 weeks old now, the size of a kumquat (which I had to look up online) or about 1.5 inches long.

Steve and I figure we've been living this upside down lifestyle for about a month now, which is both encouraging (4 weeks down! Go us!) and disheartening (Only halfway done with the sickness?!). As with most of the tough stuff we've gone through (a lot of which has been pregnancy related, actually) we are trying to laugh about it as much as possible. Its sort of a "this is so pathetic" laughter, but still--it beats tears most days.

We decided to share the news with the world at large yesterday, when we officially hit our 10-week mark, so the day before we let Charlie and Juliette in on the news, too. Charlie was pretty calm about it. I think it is a little mind-blowing, and he just took it in and processed it without the giddiness of big sister's response. He has been talking about the baby, though, and making suggestions (maybe we could have a door to the stairs instead of a baby gate for the next baby?). Its slowly infiltrating his awareness of our family, and it is sweet to hear him discuss "the next baby."

When we told Juliette, she just laughed, because she is two, and why in the world would Mom have a baby inside her stomach?!

We showed them both the ultrasound, and they both mulled over the possibility that this blurry gummy-bear was a picture of a tiny baby inside their mama.

The internet was very excited about our announcement. My fav response was from Melisa Turbyfill (@mtanverdi), which I screencapped and texted to Steve at work:

Juliette is laying with me on the couch, and when she saw me post this screencap she said, "That's the baby!" So we pulled out my phone and looked at the real picture of it a couple times. "You want to see the baby?" she says when she needs another look. Then I pull it up and she points to the little gummy bear and says, "That's the baby!"

Jules has been a great little buddy and caretaker over the last few weeks. Yesterday she lay on the couch for hours watching PBS while I was curled in a ball under my own blanket. (The days I have wake up at a reasonable hour and to drive kids around make me unreasonably sick.) I took a nap, and she chilled by me. This morning she went upstairs to retrieve her blanket when I settled in for some cantaloupe.

(My daily diet is some combination of rice, croissant, bagel, and cantaloupe. Non-stop. I miss hamburgers.)

Because it is Saturday and I got to sleep until my body's preferred 9am and haven't had to leave the house, I've felt semi-okay and had enough energy to sort through my inbox. (Which--ugh!) It is nice to have that whittled down even if it isn't completed. I still have some things I need to work on, but I'm trying to keep stopping points in mind so I don't overdo it. When I overdo it, I start losing my meals, and that is very, very sad.

Valentine's Day is tomorrow. Steve and I have agreed to postpone until I feel better. It will be more fun to celebrate when we can eat together, because we love food so most of our celebrations center on eating it. :) The kiddos will get some fun little gifties that Steve picked out for them from us, and yesterday the big kids both had school parties that loaded them up with treats. It was pretty cute--they both responded the same way when they got home: Sat right down with their bags and went through their spoils with my one by one.

Gracie chose a wonderfully themed Valentine's outfit, and left for school in a pale pink heart-covered T, magenta headband, and bright pink pants with holes in the knees. I can't believe my first little babe is so grown up now. She is a wonder.

Steve got home from work tired. He is very tired lately, poor guy. More apt than usual to fall asleep without planning it. Yesterday he settled in on the floor near me, and Juliette brought him a pillow and blanket. He was out and snoring in minutes, and happy to get the recharge before getting up to make the kiddos their pizza.

I got pretty sick during movie night and ended up putting myself to bed early. When everyone came up for bedtimes they came in and kissed me, the sweethearts, and then Juliette took it upon herself to put me to bed. She gave me hugs and then sang me two bedtime songs, and then shooed Steve out of our bedroom so she could shut the door and tell me goodnight and "Cyose your eyes!"

Charlie on Babies

Charlie and I (and barely-5-weeks-of-baby) ended up hanging out on the cushiony table at the pediatrician's office Friday, while Charlie did fun stuff like nebulizer treatments and getting his ears cleaned out. (Poor kid.)

Since we were biding our time anyway, I figured I might as well have a little chat with him and feel out his opinions on more Walton babies. Our conversation went approximately as follows:

Me: So. Do you think we should we have any more babies in our family?
Charlie (agreeably): Yeah.
Me: How many babies do you think we should have?
Charlie: Maybe one, two, three more babies. So we can have six kids!
Me: Six?! That's a lot of kids!
Charlie (grins): Yeah!
Me: What kind of babies would you want to have? Like, girl babies or boy babies?
Charlie: I'd want to have all girl babies because I like girl babies, like Juliette.
(My heart melts. The sweetness!)
Me: What should we name the girl babies?
Charlie (frustrated): I don't have any good names for them.
(after a beat)
Charlie: ...like maybe Leia should be one of the babies!